'Ack Right'

Check 'em at the door.

While on the 2 train on my way back to Brooklyn, across from me sat a man. He had on a khaki colored page-boy cap with a shabby coat and was listening to an MP3 player. This guy was totally into the song, making stupid hand gestures, mouthing the words, and looking at me while doing it. I ignored him, looked at the Jill Scott HBO billboard, wandering my eyes about at random things, trying to avoid this fool. When you’re on the train, with no book or music in hand, it attracts more eyeballs. He continued to carry-on; uttering lyrics here and there in weird outbursts. ‘He must be missing some brain cells,’ I thought, trying not to judge and REALLY trying not to look him in the face. Then he started making strange up and down hand movements, which made it look like he was playing with imaginery breasts. Beyond annoyed, and highly disgusted, I sat there rolling my eyes and curving my brows like the devil, wishing he would get his ass-off at Atlantic Avenue.

Once I got off at Franklin Ave only to find another 'one' also acting random, I came to a realization:

Men like attention more than women do.

But, a different kind of attention. The kind that makes a woman want to bash they’re fucking face in. 

Puellas like the kind of attention that's more emotionally sound. Men like the un-evolved and stupid kind of attention: the very simple-minded glance or snicker. They just wanna' be looked at and recognized for the dummies that they are.

I don’t know what it is, but EVERYDAY, there’s always some man whom just can’t control himself. If he’s not a disgusting construction worker howling out a whistle, he’s a derelict on the 3 train with A.D.D. Whether they’re sick in the head or sane and of sound mind, none of them can seem to ack right. They're like a bunch of big-ass five year olds. They make weird noises, they always want to play games, they need to do things for women to look at them- and if you don’t, they will continue to draw attention to themselves. Looking all stupid. And like five-year old children, men need to catch a beat-down once in a while- so they can ‘ack right.’ Problem is, they don’t (because they are adults supposedly) so they continue to run around and terrorize womankind.

I swear, post disgusting train encounter, I actually thought about dressing like a man for the rest of the week. That, or a brown paper-bag right over my head with the eyes cut out.

Now of course, not ‘every man’ is outright perverted, disrespectful or intrusive. Yet, even the most sincere and purest hearted of men need some ‘ack right’ every once in a while (slap upside their fucking head). But it’s okay. Nobody is ‘perfect;’ not even so called Mr. Right..whoever that is.

At times, I feel that my disgust with men far surpasses my love for men. Sometimes I wish dinosaurs would resurrect and come eat every man they see..gays included. And if I’m not on the train or in the streets experiencing a ‘wow,’ ‘how you doin’ or ‘can I talk to you for a minute?’ It’s one of them (men) acting crazy in public, or another one looking at me like he wants to rape me.

Is it in their DNA? Does every male chromosone contain a little bit of pervert? Or perpetual five-year old? Why do they ack like that?

An even better question: why do we love, need, support and fawn over these very men?

I don't know either but mankind can kick rocks..

'Blame It On The...'

For every action there's a RHI-action.

'Oh Shit' was all I could say when I turned on the news this morning. Mediatakeout was right! Chris Breezy missed the Grammys because he was locked up! I'm sure you all heard about the 'incident' that ocurred in L.A. last night with Chris Brown. If not, let me bring you up to speed. He was arrested on assault charges and released on $50,000 bail. Chris done put his hands on some 'unidentified female' (Rihanna), leaving her with 'visible injuries' (Keepin mind, she is high-yellow). They said Chris 'left the scene' abandoning the Ferrari along with the chick in the car (Rhianna). Apparently, Breezy was able to 'Run it' before the po-po came- but he politely turned himself in.

Some people have quickly made him out to be like the 2009 Ike Turner or something. As a result, Wrigley's Gum, his most recent endorser, has already suspended poor Chris' commercials. Hopefully the farmers for 'Got Milk' will cut him a little more slack. Come on now-Anna Mae never deserved those ass-whoopings-but this is totally different. Personally, I think Miss 'Good Girl Gone Bad' provoked him; so she probably deserved whatever she got. We all know Chris is a 'country boy from Tapohonnack' and his mother raised him right. He ain't just gonna beat on his shorty because he feels like it.

I'm sure there's a lot of anger, frustration, and hurt feelings which led to the snuffin.' Think about it. They're driving in the car, alone, probably having one of those 'post-break-up arguments.' Their dialogue leading up to the violence went something like this:

(Disclaimer: for entertainment purposes only)

Rhianna: 'I'm sick of your shit Chris-why can't you just act right!'

Chris B: 'Yo, I'm dropping you off-don't call me anymore..'

Rhianna: 'You so selfish-you don't care about nobody but yourself!!!'

Chris B: 'This is exactly why we not gon' be together'

Rhianna: If you wasn't cheatin' I wouldn't be Chris!

Chris B: 'What? Yo, I said we not goin' there anymore..'

Rhianna: 'I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAID!'

Chris B: 'Yooooo...you need to calm down. I told you it's over..'

Rhianna: 'You said that you loved me! Don't these tattoos mean anything to you!!?!

Chris B: I can't even take a piss without you asking me where I went-I'm 19 years old girl! You is not my mom!

Rhianna: 'I will punch you dead in your face Chris!'

And then *BONG* she snuffed him: then it was ON. Chris got really pissed and in an effort to restrain her, ended up snuffing her back. I know Rhianna is a fiesty little thang and has a stank-ass attitude (I met her) plus she's Bajan, and you know how some of those West Indian women get down. I've had my personal run-ins with a couple...

When most people hear about a 'man assaulting a woman' it's automatically the dude's fault. He becomes the 'bad guy.' So now everyone wants to hate Chris for Rhianna's temper-tantrum. Is that really fair? I honestly think that he was just protecting himself. And technically, nobody really knows where or if he hit the girl (again-I emphasize she is mad light-skinned and as a fellow lighter toned woman, we bruise easier than bananas). They're alleged recent break-up was one sided. I mean, I've been dumped before so I know how it feels Rhi-Rhi. It does make you want to fight, cry, and hug that very person-so I can empathize with her. The media outlets keep saying that Rhianna was unstable, possesive, jealous and needy. Be it true or false, let's look at the facts:

1) They're both under 21

2) They're both ridiculously famous

3) AND Good looking

4) They both got a little too serious to be so young (matching tattoos, always up under eachother, etc.)

Yes, they are kind of young to have Ike and Tina moments but I mean, it happens all the time. Nobody is exempt from relationship problems just because they have hit records, Ferraris or dope haircuts. I just hope they don't slap my boy with a jail sentence. Or worst yet, completely snatch his endorsements. I still think that he is a very good role model for the youth in spite of this little incident.

And I doubt Rhi will press charges-that's still her boo.

'The Gold Standard'

The definition of FINE.

OK. Now, I'm known for having a little more 'dimension' in my writing-but talk about BEEF. That man has the perfect body; not too cut-up, flawless skin, and a smile that could seduce the virgin Mary.

Any man-loving-woman who has any type of estrogen flowing through her body would have to agree with me on this one: Reggie Bush has to be one of the finest pieces of dark-chocolate that has ever graced God's green Earth. If every man looked that damn good, I'd probably be pregnant for the rest of my life.

Any woman (lesbians included) who claims they are not turned on at the sight of a man like REGGIE BUSH running down a football field in tight spandex, is strait lying.

So today while G-chatting with a male friend, physiques came up. I was going on and on about how I like my men- stocky, chocolatey and broad-chested-and UN-SKINNY!!!!

Sidebar:I know all Puellas have their personal preferences-but I don't see how or why women think that skeleton, anorexic looking-ass guys are sexy. I'm sorry, no offense long-lean guys (if you're reading), but I just don't get it! Skinny guys look like they're always on a diet. And who really wants to hug a broomstick? No bean-pole, Snoop Dogg looking types for me. That's just nasty.

My buddy and I also discussed how society & media places so much pressure on Puellas to look a certain way that we become obsessed over things we can't even control; ie: flat-chests (me), Nassatall (no-ass-at-all), bald-headedness or an unpretty face. Everyone can't look like Eva the diva, or Angelina Jolie-but that's OKAYY! Women get so much flack and this leads to self-esteem issues. We concluded that the sad part is that although not all men expect this, if you just watch TV, or pic up a magazine, or look at an ad for perfume, there it is: a subliminal slap-in-the-face saying 'look like this chick.' Even I find myself saying, 'damn, I need to do this...that..' in order to maintain my swag. It can be motivating yet depressing. Nevertheless, it is a part of being Puella-a fly one in particular. We have to put on fake stupid eyelashes, walk on stilts, wear thongs and do it gracefully: but, nobody is out here pressuring these guys to look good. They just watch football and talk shit if their team loses.

That's really unfair, RIGHT?

So...here is my resolution.

ALL MEN NEED TO BE REGGIE BUSH.

Obviously, with someone that fine, he should be the male-standard of sexiness. And since every chick wants to subconsciously be Beyonce, we need to tell the male population to look like Reggie Bush. Tell the next cocky, womanizing, judgmental bastard guy you meet-'umm, you need to look like Reggie Bush. THAT's a REAL man. I mean, you're OK, but I'd have Reggie's baby right now if he asked me.' And Puellas, keep telling them how fine you think Reggie is. Then, if he wants to get smart, tell his ass to do some push-ups because he looks like a little bitch. Then tell him to step his weight lifting game up, get some protein shakes, get an edge-up, and an Altoid. Shoot that ego down girl! Shoot it! The look on the gassed-guy's face after you deflate his corny-ass: Priceless.

Kim Kardashian better not slip-up: because I will GLADLY take him off of her hands and have him 'put a ring' on mine.

'Cosmetic Hospitality'

Morning Puellas!

Today, God has opened up the clouds of heaven, and poured out a cosmetic blessing on his beauty-philes. If you missed the memo this morning then, let me be the first to share the second best-news of January 2009:

HIGH-END RETAIL CHAINS ALL OVER THE USA ARE GIVING AWAY FREE MAKE-UP, STARTING TODAY!

Apparently, manufacturers were jacking up the prices, and now, they're finally being forced to pay up. Great for us beauty-product junkies, sucks for them!

'$175 million worth of free cosmetics products will be distributed to members of the class (see below to determine whether you are a member of the class) for a maximum of seven days, while supplies last, on a first come, first served basis, beginning on January 20, 2009.'

First, a fly-ass President, and now THIS??!!??

And this is NOT the cheap stuff. Brands include Givenchy parfums, Guerlain, L'Oreal (Lancome) Estee Lauder (Clinique), Clarins, Chanel, etc. I know you all don't wear make-up-but it may be a good day to set aside your au-natural preferences and try a foundation, a gloss or something!

You can redeem ONE product from any retailer listed below:

Bergdorf Goodman
Bergner’s
Bloomingdale’s
Boston Store
Carson Pirie Scott
Dillard’s
Gottschalks
Herberger’s
Macy’s
Neiman Marcus
Nordstrom
Parisian
Saks Fifth Avenue
Younkers

For further details, visit the official website:

http://www.cosmeticssettlement.com/

How's that for a recession special?

Salve!

BACKGROUNDER.

I know you're probably wondering what these foreign words are. As you may or may not know, Latin is a dead language. People used to speak it in Rome, way back in the day. Although it's not spoken today, the modern romance languages all stem from Latin. After about four years of studying Latin in High School, the only word I was able to remember was 'Puella.' It means GIRL. But this is not a blog about language. 

So, what inspired this?

As a 'Puella' I've always had interests in the typical 'puella' things: clothes, boys, haircare, toiletries, advice, music, trends, etc. I know if I like to learn about the 'girly' things, than other girls do too. I know there are tons of 'women's magazines' and websites to find tips and a bunch of other stuff. I mean, I read those too. 

But this is different. 

This is a 'real' girl sharing her biased and unpaid views on the latest girl-centric things.  The purpose is to share discoveries, thoughts, information and experiences for the modern Puella. It's all random, pinpointed, subjective, and helpful insight. 

 

I LOVE discovering stuff. As a woman on the go, I'm constantly finding new, cool things that I know many other Puellas would benefit from. It may be a fabulous sample-sale, an excellent movie, a poppin' lip-color, or even a fly-outfit I saw another Puella rocking on the train. From style-tips, to event happenings, expect a hodge-podge of things I've personally seen, heard about, or experienced. 

There's no set agenda here. Just a little something for the Puellas.

Salve Sis 

(May you be well)