'The Gold Standard'

The definition of FINE.

OK. Now, I'm known for having a little more 'dimension' in my writing-but talk about BEEF. That man has the perfect body; not too cut-up, flawless skin, and a smile that could seduce the virgin Mary.

Any man-loving-woman who has any type of estrogen flowing through her body would have to agree with me on this one: Reggie Bush has to be one of the finest pieces of dark-chocolate that has ever graced God's green Earth. If every man looked that damn good, I'd probably be pregnant for the rest of my life.

Any woman (lesbians included) who claims they are not turned on at the sight of a man like REGGIE BUSH running down a football field in tight spandex, is strait lying.

So today while G-chatting with a male friend, physiques came up. I was going on and on about how I like my men- stocky, chocolatey and broad-chested-and UN-SKINNY!!!!

Sidebar:I know all Puellas have their personal preferences-but I don't see how or why women think that skeleton, anorexic looking-ass guys are sexy. I'm sorry, no offense long-lean guys (if you're reading), but I just don't get it! Skinny guys look like they're always on a diet. And who really wants to hug a broomstick? No bean-pole, Snoop Dogg looking types for me. That's just nasty.

My buddy and I also discussed how society & media places so much pressure on Puellas to look a certain way that we become obsessed over things we can't even control; ie: flat-chests (me), Nassatall (no-ass-at-all), bald-headedness or an unpretty face. Everyone can't look like Eva the diva, or Angelina Jolie-but that's OKAYY! Women get so much flack and this leads to self-esteem issues. We concluded that the sad part is that although not all men expect this, if you just watch TV, or pic up a magazine, or look at an ad for perfume, there it is: a subliminal slap-in-the-face saying 'look like this chick.' Even I find myself saying, 'damn, I need to do this...that..' in order to maintain my swag. It can be motivating yet depressing. Nevertheless, it is a part of being Puella-a fly one in particular. We have to put on fake stupid eyelashes, walk on stilts, wear thongs and do it gracefully: but, nobody is out here pressuring these guys to look good. They just watch football and talk shit if their team loses.

That's really unfair, RIGHT?

So...here is my resolution.

ALL MEN NEED TO BE REGGIE BUSH.

Obviously, with someone that fine, he should be the male-standard of sexiness. And since every chick wants to subconsciously be Beyonce, we need to tell the male population to look like Reggie Bush. Tell the next cocky, womanizing, judgmental bastard guy you meet-'umm, you need to look like Reggie Bush. THAT's a REAL man. I mean, you're OK, but I'd have Reggie's baby right now if he asked me.' And Puellas, keep telling them how fine you think Reggie is. Then, if he wants to get smart, tell his ass to do some push-ups because he looks like a little bitch. Then tell him to step his weight lifting game up, get some protein shakes, get an edge-up, and an Altoid. Shoot that ego down girl! Shoot it! The look on the gassed-guy's face after you deflate his corny-ass: Priceless.

Kim Kardashian better not slip-up: because I will GLADLY take him off of her hands and have him 'put a ring' on mine.